like the sun shone

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Tag: Self-Doubt

A fission of soul

Thou art destruction

To believe anything other than this
would be a sin
for within, the fire within, it lives
where it is kept in check by the crease
of thine own mirror’s aging visual sorrow
where it can only be seen peripherally
so it is quite invisible
until the moon shatters the disguise
if it can be called a disguise
more probable is its name; a fission of soul
where the rip
burns deep within
where that sharp loss of connection
to this visual
this
fire within
this destruction of mine own art
feels so much like feathers being torn
being ripped back from tip to stem
in ugly painful destructions of flight

… is it this?

First night nerves

Well!

I finally did it, I went to an evening of live poetry readings to read some of my poems.

It was in a café I sometimes visit in Wolverhampton called WildBytesCafé and they have a monthly event called Viva Voce. I was rather nervous, or maybe a bit more than rather 🙂 as I’ve only read my writings in the writing group I go to, or here on my blog and on YouTube. I was assured it was a cosy group which made me feel better.

We started at about 7.30 and read round the little group. I think I read about 6 poems and the piece I’ve written here called Love! and they were well received so that made me more comfortable with the sharing.

When I read my poetry here with just me and the microphone I get involved with the words and my emotions and feelings take over, so I was worried I would get too emotional and not be able to finish anything! While reading a couple I could feel myself falling into the self-conscious “doubt? agony? frustration?” of myself and so I had to control my breathing with a little extra breath here and there and maybe a little cough to disguise my emotions (I could feel them trying to break through).

As is normal with a group we chatted about this and that, which also helped to ease me onto the next poem.

They serve lovely food there too 🙂

~

Well!

I was out last night at my local pub and noticed it was more busy than usual for a Wednesday so while chatting to the barmaid, while ordering another round, I found out they now have an Open Mike Night every fortnight, and she had to say it didn’t she 🙂 she said anyone can come up and sing or perform or even read poetry, well with a couple of pints of Guinness inside me I happened to mention that I’m a poet and only last night I did my first live reading, so, she pointed someone out who I should speak to and we chatted and then a few minutes later I was visited at the table and we discussed me coming to read at the next event (he wanted me to get up and read there and then, ha ha not a chance!) so it turns out I’ve talked myself into reading in a pub in two weeks time, but this will be even more scary as I’ll be standing up in front of lots of people, GULP!! Aaaaaaargh RUN AWAY!!

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